Something was missing. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but he felt depressed and his mood was all gloomy. Despite all he learned during his journey — and all he looked forward to learn — something was missing but he just did not know what it was. He had taken time off from his journey to reflect on all that he had lived through and that had been time well spent. Then why wasn’t he content? Why was there such a big hole inside him, a dark void he felt nothing could fill?

“What is it, Goddammit, what?”

No matter what he did, he could not shake the feeling off. He felt weak and exhausted, did not have the strength to do or face anything. He just wanted everything to come to an absolute standstill. Let time stop, nothing move, let it all just freeze. He wanted to cease being.

Yet, he did not lose faith. Deep down inside, he believed something was patiently incubating and, when he was ready, it was going to reveal itself. A truth…
beyond the visible , a vision that would fullfil and transform him thoroughly. He would, however, need a different pair of eyes to see that vision, another heart to embrace its beauty, and a new mind to understand its significance. What he did see now, what led him to such terrifying despair, this material world and its depressing routine, made his yearning all the more painful, yet also so strangely sweet.

“My soul,” he whispered to himself in the dark, “my soul is craving. I am like a desert, empty, barren, parched.”
He felt a sudden urge to draw. He had not drawn for so long he wasn’t even sure he could hold a pencil properly but just the mere thought of drawing uplifted his mood. Maybe his God demanded a different medium to talk to him; maybe he could touch Him with his pencil.

He drew and drew for hours, without thinking, without caring about what he was putting on paper feeling more and more liberated at every stroke of his pencil. He ate little, drank little and barely slept. When, hours later, he put down his pencil, he was drained. Only then, he looked at the paper in front of him: a womb, gestating a fetus.
His eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep.


Tarot Interpretation

At number 12, the Hanged Man, calls out from a different perspective for the temporary abandonment of worldly things and for an inner journey towards a deeper understanding.

The Hanged Man is reminiscent of Odin, the God of Scandinavian mythology. Odin hung himself from the tree of life for 9 days in order to attain the wisdom of the 9 worlds, and was finally enlightened. The Hanged Man is carrying out a similar act. In order to acquire a radically different vision, he does nothing for a certain period of time. This time, like the Hanged Man himself, is suspended. When he gains a new perspective, the Hanged Man will get to his feet once again.

This process is not suitable to make a decision or take action. It may be viewed as a process of indecision or pause. The only thing to do is to wait for the arrival of new thoughts and new possibilities during this period of your renewal. You must surrender, be patient in reflection, remain inactive, accept everything as it is and forsake things that must be forsaken.

The moment you start waiving certain things, it is probable that you will become aware of the huge volume of unnecessary belongings you possess. The moment you realize all the habits, the intellectual and emotional attitudes that secretly prevent your spiritual progress, you also begin to shed your worldly attachments that promise nothing and instead stir fear and anxiety. A new reality dawns before your eyes.

The Hanged Man card advises the person who draws the card to make some sacrifices and to remain inactive. A period of non-judgmentality is necessary to get rid of acquired knowledge and judgments and to acquire a deeper experience. The ruling planet of this card is Neptune, an intuitive, spiritual and creative daydreamer.

The key word is sacrifice when it comesto the Hanged Man. This sacrifice will render you passive for a period, but this will be followed by the emergence of new horizons. This period, during which you voluntarily remain silent, is for a higher ideal and awareness. Whatever needs changing will change, whatever must be forsaken will be forsaken, and whatever is hidden will be revealed.

When your world has turned upside down, it is possible that you will become more fragile and sensitive. But this is only a temporary process. If you think that the process has gone on for too long, and that you have sacrificed too much, then there must be something wrong. You might have got carried away playing the game of a self-sacrificing child of suffering.

This period might have turned from a hopeful waiting into a period during which you play the fugitive to delay certain things. So remain true to yourself and do not ever forget that this period of suspension is the incubation period of a firecracker birth.